My First and Worst Year: Producing A Show

I get caught up in the gossip. Shitting on comedians that I barely know. I'm trying to stop that. Early on, I was one those guys that would say something negative because I was trying to start a dialogue and reinforce any negative feelings I had about someone. Usually based in nothing; maybe one lousy first impression or through the grapevine on Facebook. Unfortunately, talking shit is a major way to bond with other inexperienced comics. A lot of miserable, sarcastic, unmotivated, boring comics. Or 10+ year comics that bitch about how unfair everything is. They can't talk to you for 30 seconds without shitting on something.

Now I know that's not me. I never feel good about it and it never helps.

The comics I look up to are modest, rarely say anything bad about anyone because they're just focused. They don't feed the fire. I'd rant about something and they wouldn't have anything to add to it. Maybe something along the lines of,

"Yeah, that can happen," kind of response.

I'd see the look on their face. I'm the problem.

I was the same way in Junior High. Picking on the popular kids and being obnoxious because I was so desperate to be a part of their circle. Afraid to be myself. Afraid to put in that kind of work.

I'll be obsessed with some idiot for hours on a Facebook thread, so tempted to participate in the attack, but where is it going to get me? Fuck, I could've written something. I should be writing jokes now, but I think I know something about blogging and comedy! I feel like I'm just regurgitating boring opinions that have been voiced on hundreds of podcasts already, I'll try to pepper this section up! Check out this sweet ass pimp kitty vest!

At least 7 comics named Dave would kill to have this. One cat has a chainmail helmet!

I always want to prove myself to other comics. An audience of strangers is always amazing, but I do feel the pressure of an all-comic mic. It's way too important to me. I don't want to be written off, I know I can be funny. Maybe not the last 20 times you saw me, but I'll get there, don't write me off!

When I had a decent set in front of someone I respected, I felt like I could check that off. Okay, that person doesn't think I'm a piece of shit anymore. I proved myself. Getting closer to being an actual comic! Every good set is a stepping stone. My bad sets would just temporarily render me useless. Instead of doing my homework and adjusting, I would just write something new or beat a bad joke into the ground. Maybe it'll work the 27th time.

"The people that go to Burning Man only need these two words to communicate: Burning...man!"

*crickets slashing wrists*

Only 3-4 survivors from this list and my taint is still funnier.

I bombed in front of Sean Conroy and took it kind of hard. Intimidating dude, (like the Ron Perlman of improvisation) he was sitting in the front row at Echoes Under Sunset with his arms crossed, waiting for his set and just watching me hang myself. He'd probably seen a thousand variations of the heckler character I was doing. I picked on him in character, but he wouldn't roll with it. Why would he? It was more fun to watch me squirm.

Every time I asked him a question he would answer,

"Sure."

Which is sort of the "fuck you" version of "yes and,"  It's an improv thing.

I was berating the audience for being a bunch of hipsters. Yelling out,

"Well I got something for ALL OF YOU!"

Then I started handing out free coffee coupons from a local coffee shop. Sean politely declined.

I had my bombing routine where I would call up Claire afterwards and tell her I just ate shit. Or who I ate shit in front of. She would convince me that it was okay, everybody bombs, and remind me that I'd had good sets before. She would tell me that she loved me and make me feel better about what had happened. Oh, there is life after tomorrow, I forgot! Thanks, baby!

Claire understands the grind. She's a fan of a lot of the people I look up to and we listen to a lot of the same podcasts now. She got into Jen Kirkman and The Longshot Podcast early on and now she subscribes to more comedians than I do. We went to Power Violence and a number of shows at The Improv. Pete Holmes, Todd Glass, Ron Lynch, Eddie Pepitone, Maron, Sebastian, Ian Edwards, and Tig- we love Tig. She pushed me to go on the road. She encouraged me to stop using the train and take her car instead. She makes this all possible. It's unbelievable. She even made cookies when I produced my own show.

(insert hacky Field of Dreams quote) Michael Donato designed these fantastic flyers.

I'd done a couple of shows at The Lexington with Tony Bartolone where I did some character stuff. I played a wrestler, a heckler that takes on Mr. Goodnight and a squarish Steve Allen type talk show host. Anyway, the owner liked me enough and said if I ever wanted to use the space, hit him up.

Tony was nice enough to help me too, he ran sound for me. Uggh, I didn't even give him a fucking spot and he ran sound for me- that's how great a guy he is and how SELFISH I can be.

Post "The Revolution!" show outside the Lexington with Tony.

I think the best thing in comedy after doing standup is booking your own show. Reaching for the stars, pulling in friends, what a great position to be in! Compiling a fantasy list of mostly male comics and shooting them a message on Facebook.

A combination of comic friends, comics I met at open mics, (but hadn't talked to) or comics I saw on a show.

So if you're a new comic wondering, how the hell do I get booked on a show?

Well, a moron like me could accidentally see you at an open mic and then end up liking you! And I'm the guy who did a shitty set before you, remember? You never know who could be running shows.

Most people got back to me pretty quick. Comedians love a full calendar. 

I adored The Walsh Brothers. So original and twisted. They blew my mind at TigerLily and I finally met the guys through a mutual friend.

Brian Scolaro was someone I had talked to outside of The Comedy Store. He's one of the first comics to give me any kind of advice,

"Don't move To Long Beach."

Oh shit. Brian Scolaro just caught my girlfriend taking a photograph.

I was a fanboy of Dean Delray. I heard Matty Goldberg on Danny Lobell's podcast and dug his book about his friendship with Angelo Bowers. Ron Babcock was one of the friendly guys on the scene, loved his standup. I'd worked on a webseries with Paul Danke. Just met a lot of the other comics at open mics. I worked with Jeanne Whitney at Arclight Hollywood and we started standup around the same time. I watched Timika Hall do her first set at Echoes Under Sunset and she was great! Ester Steinberg cracked me up at The Palace and then I wanted to book her after I saw this sketch. She just happened to be hanging out with Neel Nanda when I was booking him, so I got both of them right then and there.

Robert Vertrees was brand new like me, but I just dug his story.

I knew I'd never have to worry about Ken Garr.

Just read his awesome blog entry "One Year Later and Why I Should Quit"

I should've taken note and made my blog shorter! That dude is a complete professional and will never hesitate to give you his tour dates at the MGM in Las Vegas.

Jak Knight was edgy and exciting. Jon Durnell was the best thing about a bringer show I did at the Formosa. I didn't even know Lisa Landry, but Brian asked if she could be on. Same thing with Kevin James Moore, a buddy of Matty's.

Maagic Collins is one of the kindest souls I've ever met. I love his standup. He would show up to my afternoon Tribal mic on Saturdays. Very supportive guy.

I think I saw Rick Wood at Power Violence and he just blew me away.

Anyway, you get the fucking point, this was just an excuse to drop everyone's links. Jesus Christ.

One time I made the amateur mistake of messaging too many people at once and then having to tell one comic I'd put them on the next show. I got a lot of grief for that and I was pulling my hair out. I was getting a guilt trip from the disappointed comic and now I didn't want to book him at all. It was totally my fault, but I was just getting through the learning curve. Book carefully, and wait for your damn responses.

Another recurring thing that kept coming up is a comic wanting to bring a friend for a guest spot. It's a good rule of thumb to keep a spot open for a possible drop-in. Or just book less comics Marty. Aren't you glad you paid $200 for this helpful comedy workshop tip?

I was also planning on doing all these wacky sketches and transitions that had nothing to do with the stand-up comedy. I wanted to make it an event. I asked Chris Walsh if we could have an extended dialogue where the Walsh Brothers get in an argument with me and then pretend to shoot me from the audience...so now I'm suddenly on the level of The Walsh Brothers! Proposing bits. Chris was really nice about it and declined in the best way possible. He made me realize that I should only work on the hosting- not all this extra dressing. I'd be stressed out enough. Plus, The Walsh Brothers have their own thing going on and it's hilarious.

Claire helped me with some basic PR stuff; shooting out emails to various websites with LA calendars of events. Lot of people check online for free entertainment. I hit up LA Weekly early enough to get this delightful blip:

Did I pay anyone? I paid Dean Delray. I paid Brian Scolaro. It seems a little unfair now, I had The Walsh Brothers, Ron Babcock, Paul Danke, and Matty Goldberg, who all have a shitload of experience.

I got this dumb idea that I should write thank you notes to everyone else. Looking back, I gave comedians false hope of money in those envelopes, only to find a badly scrawled "thank you" with some shitty stick figure doodles. At least there were cookies at the gig.

Brian mentioned the 50 bucks onstage and I was really embarrassed. It exposed the inner-workings of my inexperience and that I was holding out on everyone else. I think I would do it differently now, but it was a free show.

2nd show was a lousy turn out, but I had a handful of people because they saw an ad in the "LAist" They specifically said, "We saw it in the LAist." It blew my mind. So you never know! Send those emails out.

Tony watched me have a mini-meltdown. I was stressing out because there was a band that was booked on a show immediately after and it was clear that I was going to run over their time. I thought if I gave up my own set and kept bringing the next comic up, we'd finish on time without cutting anyone's sets down.

Tony explained to me that I shouldn't of worried about that, that it was worse to bring the comics up cold. It's better to keep the audience warmed up, but I was hopping back on stage saying,

"Give it up for Ron Babcock, and now let's keep it moving- Matty Goldberg!"

I didn't get it. I thought running over my time would fuck things up and I'd never get to do a show again. I shouldn't of booked so many comics anyway- Paul Danke was going on dead last, and he'd been waiting around so long, I felt horrible. I should buy his album.

So don't sacrifice your time for the sake of the next show- be a good host, Wurst.

But that first show had a great turnout, especially for The Lexington. The comics were kind of impressed. That extra leg work paid off.

I remember I wanted to bring Dean Delray up to a Led Zeppelin song and I kept bothering Tony about it when the order changed. Then when the music came up, Dean was clearly stoked and that little moment meant a lot to me.

On his way out he yelled,

"Congratulations on your 1st year of stand up!"

Speaking of which, I asked Melina Paez if I could be in her "DropTheSoapTV" series, where comics do stand-up in her shower. It was a fun way to cap off my first year.

Okay, that was rather manic. Just a couple steps away from Denis Leary- uggh. Anyway, I STOPPED doing that. Here's a message to myself as I time-travel back to the shower,

Horrible jokes, asshole! Your taint is hilarious by the way.

I just want to thank the people that encouraged me or gave me useful information when I started bumbling my way through open mics that first year (July 2013-2014)

Brett Gilbert, Ric Rosario, Matty Goldberg, Tony Bartolone, Jason Van Glass, Ron Babcock, Dean Delray, Chris Walsh, Matt Walsh, Danny Lobell, Mollie Gross, Melina Paez, Brian Scolaro, Jamie Flam, Jeremiah Watkins, Mike Celestino, Justin Alexio, Neel Nanda, Mikey de Lara, Paul Danke, Ari Mannis, Lydia Robinson, Ryan Doolittle, Maagic Collins, Don Barris, Elissa Rosenthal, Rob Antus, K-von, Jarrett and Emily Galante, Christiane Georgi, Hiro Matsunaga, Greg James, Carly Craig, Matthew Hilton, Sally Mullins, Matt Sauter, Matt Gamarra, Donald McKinney, Ryan Kain, Jeremy Fultz, Del Weston, Derick Armijo, Alisha Morine, Nicole Malina, Devon Schwartz, Andy Salamone, Barbara Gray, Sean Conroy, Myles Weber, Ricky Winston, Frankie Ma, Rishi Arya, Brandon Birckz, Sean K., Mike Menendez, Jamar Neighbors, Mr. Goodnight, Erica Rhodes, Matt Champagne, David Gerhardt, The Martin Duprass, John Silver, Ryan Pfeiffer, Kevin Anderson, Whitney Melton, Kym Kral, Jared Levin, Kenneth Lion, Alex Croll, Adam Carr, Trevor James, Deon Williams, Amber Brashear, Pat Regan, Brad Silnutzer, Rob Weissman, Marty, Graham Curan, Eddie Pepitone, Quincy Johnson, Blythe Metz, Willie Dynamite, Freddy Morales, Marcela Perdomo, Nick Kaufman, Atelston Fitgerald Holder The 1st, Bruce Boiman, Tom Allen, Melissa Villasenor, Maria Bamford, Todd Glass, Lou Perez, Allison Anders, Jeremy Bassett, Tony Alfieri, Laura Niles, Tamoy Sherman, Chaliss Robinson, Eddie Whitehead Jr, Brent Weinbach, Jill Maragos, Jodi Miller, Luz Pazos, Brianna Murphy, Sasha Kapustina, Alain Villenueve, Brad James, Lauren Kiang, Yoav, Ken Garr, David Gregorian, Jordan Leer, Stefano Della Pietra, Down Under Comedy Club, Mike Garrison, Brad and Sara Harris, Thomas Hussey, Harold, Chino, Tiffany Gomes, Simon Gibson, Joe Wagner, Scott Luhrs, Jay Weingarten, Joe Kardon, Pedro Salinas, Willie Dynamite, Robert Vertrees, Amber Kenny, Karah Britton, Alison Tafel, David Hill, Andy Kosec, Micah Lile, Chris Putro, Kris Rubio, Jade Thom, Brodie Reed, Ryan Talmo, Kevin Lee, Kellie Ann, Jeanne Whitney, Jake Kroeger, Nikki Riordan, Tim Mars, Christian Chavez, Jake Adams, Louise Hung, Michael Donato, my Geffen peeps, all my Arclight friends, Stella friends, childhood friends and family that came out to support.

Or if you're just generally nice to me thanks. You gave me the strength to go out and bomb one more time.

Shout out to Mike Celestino's great documentary "That's Not Funny".

and finally To Claire:

For every time I called you up to moan out my discontent, only to be dissuaded from my stubborn misery because of your constant light, love, and gentle reasoning.

For those open mics you'll never be able to unsee.

I love you more than open mic comedians love pussy jokes.

And as you know, that's a hell of a lot.

Jamie Flam, artistic director at The Hollywood Improv, closing out 2015 with Claire at the VanJam. He proudly wore the ridiculous squid hat that she brought from the aquarium.

If you'd like to continue on to Year 2 click here

OR Send me back to Open Mic Hell click here

My you are a glutton for punishment. You must be a comedian!

My First and Worst Year Doing Stand-Up Comedy: Westwood BREWCO and Onward

3 years in. This is a rundown of some of my favorite things and most cringe-worthy moments that happened in my stand-up journey so far. It's a list to remind myself because I don't want to forget. Even the stuff I wish I could, like when the host cut the mic on me 3 minutes into a ten minute set because I said "cock." 

I'm not a great writer, so I apologize if this style is hard on the eyes. I'll try to get my girlfriend Claire to proof-read it later. Maybe you can recommend a background color that's easier on the eyes. I'll try to include a lot of pictures and clickable links whenever I reference a particular open mic or venue, so you can see what these places look like.

In 2013 I told myself I'd give stand-up comedy a year and then decide if I wanted to continue. It wasn't so much a bucket-list, but a personal goal because I'd been doing comedy in different forms for a number of years. Plus I felt like my soul had bottomed out after a nasty break up and I think I was just trying to go balls out on something new and exciting.

I was listening to comedy podcasts, I started dating Claire and I saw a great show with her at the Improv with Jen Kirkman and Eddie Pepitone. I think the excitement of the possibility was building in my head. I tried to convince my friend Matt to start with me, but he went his own way. It was one of those weak pacts like,

"Hey man, you want to fast for 7 days?"

And then by the end of day one,

"Hey man, you want to hit Del Taco and split a chocolate cake?"

1. I went to Westwood BrewCo's final open mic, which was a long-running, highly regarded place run by Vance Sanders and Robert Yasumura, who were worshipped. Many great comedians had honed their craft there- it was a place that was serious about comedy. That night was more of a somber farewell with guest drop-ins. I was a total outsider and didn't know any comedians yet, but I worked just around the corner at the Geffen Playhouse. I got the idea that I was going to cause a stir- make an undeniable first impression. I was going to do something CRAZY.

If I got called up, the plan was to perform Robert Yasumura's material AS Robert Yasumura, as a sly nod, but mostly because it was a cocky thing to do and I could sort of mock him at the same time. We're talking a highly respected comedian, not to mention one of the FOUNDERS of BREWCO. Real dickhead plan, Marty, Good on you. Totally shitting on the event because I thought I had to go in STRONG!

I studied his routine for 30 minutes and convinced myself that I was ready. I honestly thought that everyone would love it. Oh man, he's doing Robert's material- that's so funny!

The merciful comedy gods were on my side that night. Robert didn't pull my name out of the bucket. He got to one newbie, but it wasn't me. Thank God. it would've undoubtedly been my first lesson in humility and would've backfired a million times over. I would've burned so many bridges, slurring through the routine with several beers in me, probably forgetting the jokes, while the other comics would just marvel at the idiot that was committing suicide at their mic.

What a total douchebag.

It didn't happen though. I'm so GRATEFUL I didn't get to make that first impression.

2. July 14, 2013. 

I read about Marty's on Badslava. There were hilarious reviews and it seemed like the perfect dumpy place to get my first performance out of the way. It didn't sound like anyone would be paying attention, which was good. Like going to a whorehouse to lose my virginity. Quick, sad, and over. So I went there, paid my 5 bucks, and Marty brought me up.

"Hey, going to try and work out my jitters," I said.

I performed maybe 2-3 minutes out of a possible 10-15. My set-list was as follows:

My Last Name, Bob Marley, Cat-Clicking, Man of Steel, "You're Cuter!" and Normalize Breast Feeding.

A comic named Austin said,

"That was your first time? That was good man." I remember I loved one of his punchlines,

"It was the elephantitus in the room, but nobody said anything."

Chuck Bronson was there, along with some performance artist called DYSFUNCTIONAL.

I had survived my first mic. The next week, I went to Marty's again, then Sal's Comedy Hole, then Meltdown Comics. The Jon Lovitz Comedy Club was mysteriously closed one night and I never had a chance to go back.

3. After weeks of bombing I got my first "big laugh" at The Palace.

"Had a great open mic last night- my first break thru where I heard the whole audience laugh.  Now I want to chase after that moment again and again.  Been going to some really interesting venues- last night was the 2nd floor of a Chinese Restaurant." (from an e-mail to a friend.)

That was a game changer. I accidentally connected or something, but getting a small group of comedians to laugh was very special. I should've thrown the mic down and said,

"Holy shit, I'm done," and walked away from comedy forever. I'd never get a group of comedians to laugh again.

4. I was huffing it back to the train from the Dangerfield's 3 mic and I saw Paul Scheer and his transparent party tour bus slow down next to me. It was for the "Crash Test" pilot he was filming with Rob Huebel. I had my earphones in and couldn't make out what he was saying, but he was waving to me, so I just saluted back. I had my Long Shot Podcast t-shirt on and I felt like I was having my first comedy nerd moment. I've had Hollywood moments- I've been out here since '99, but that was the first thought of, Hey, I'm one of you guys! I'm doing comedy too! Can I get a ride? No? WELL FUCK YOU, HUMAN GIANT SUCKS!

5. I was consistently hosting at Echoes Under Sunset because no one else would. What a great opportunity! Christian was so cool to me and never hesitated to give up the reigns to young and eager comics. I was suddenly on stage, bringing people up, fucking up their names, apologizing profusely, bombing spectacularly, and often! Great way to start remembering names and faces though. I was writing helpful pronunciations on the side of their actual names,

"Jeff WATT-AND-HAW-FUR."

I was so confused when comics were angry about me fucking up their name, yet they refused to tell me the actual pronunciation!

"No, let me have this to hate about you Wurst. Go fuck yourself new guy!"

Despite my bumbling on stage, I managed to make a few friends. One night I was doing a heckler character and I swear there was only two people watching, but one of them was Tony Bartolone. He came up to me after and said he liked my bit. He was really enthusiastic about it. He asked me if I could do a little improvised bit on a show he was doing. My first real booking!

6. I kept a comedy journal of my first year. I wrote down names of comics that I liked with a star. Ron Babcock- "Funny!" Matt Champagne. Ester Steinberg.

"Jake Cannon told us all to leave." (from a Sal's set)

Dave Ross. I also marked the comics that were doing stuff outside of the box. Some of them I hated. Some of them I liked. Some I hated, started talking to them, and then realized I'd made a bad call. I made a lot of bad calls. First impressions were usually way off, with the exception of GT. I met comics and then listened to them being interviewed on podcasts. More confirmation that I had been wrong. So many interesting people.

7. Chris Putro saw me at The Other Door and put me on his Crispy Comedy Show. 8 minutes seemed like an hour, so I prepared a lot that night.

8. One night when I was bumbling through my hosting duties at Echoes, I brought up Maria Bamford. I barely got her name out.

Some of my favorite ladies in comedy showed up at the Echoes Under Sunset open mic that night. Maria Bamford, Melissa Villasenor and Amber Kenny!

9. I did Tony's show at The Lexington and played a wrestler obsessed with John Cena.  Eddie Pepitone was the headliner that night and he saw me perform. At one point I called the audience a bunch of assholes and I heard Eddie's cackle for a moment. Man that felt good.

10. I hosted at Tribal Cafe for 3 hours every Saturday afternoon for 6 months. I had plenty of time to practice by myself, because ...not a lot of foot traffic.. I was lucky to have more than 3 in the audience. Jeanne Whitney occasionally hosted with me. Anyway, it could be pretty bleak, but I met some cool people like Maagic Collins and Tamoy Sherman. Then there was the guy in the cowboy hat.

It was already a crazy day because earlier, a fight almost broke out. Some guy was performing and it was one of those aggressive uncomfortable sets and Tamoy made the mistake of telling the guy to tell some jokes. That escalated into a shouting match and it was clearly going to get ugly, so I cut the mic and told the guy to leave.

"FREEDOM OF SPEECH!" was his parting argument.

Yeah, we all thank our lucky stars for having freedom of speech whenever an asshole rants on the mic.

Anyway, so that left things tense. So then the dude with the cowboy hat enters.

He's an older man, not particularly funny, and I'm guessing he's just one of the many eccentric characters that hang out in Echo Park.

He made jokes about going postal and with a grin he opens up his shirt to reveal he's strapped with dynamite.

Claire was there, she can vouch for this.

Of course it wasn't real, it couldn't be, but the day had taken a turn and it would've been entirely appropriate for some dude to walk in and kill us all- that was the punchline! I told one comedian he had to leave and another popped in to blow us up! Hilarious.

Claire said it had to be candles. So now everything is weird in the room, he's still doing his set and next he unsheathes a samurai sword. I'd failed to notice he had a sword on him, I know this is surreal.

He's waving it around and there was no mistaking it, a real sword. It's a David Lynch moment, the dude is still grinning like he's my friend, he even asks me,

"Did I get the light?"

"I'm not going to light you, you got the sword," I said.

He finished his set and left. The bored, unaffected Tribal employee failed to notice this was even happening. The service always sucked there anyway. I called it a day and quit early.

In the following weeks I went to Fanatic Salon, IO West, House of Tacos and Rockpaper Coffee. Jamar Neighbors was hosting at the Hollywood Improv on the main stage. What a fun mic.

I took the bus to Burbank and had my first audition at Flappers- nailed those 3 minutes. I practiced it until 3am the night before. I'm sure that was completely unnecessary. That lead to my exhilarating, but mostly painful experience with bringer shows, so I'll stop here. I can't wait to re-live the next chapter.

To be continued in the next day or so...

To go to the next entry about Bringer Shows, click here