The Wurst Audiobook Narrator Nominees #2

Trashy romance is still a huge industry.  Remember those glorious book covers?  The ones with the long-haired, swashbuckling, stud-pirates holding a scantily-clad and chesty damsel, with her hair always huge and perfect.  I loved that art.  As a kid, I almost felt guilty looking at those covers.  I’d flip through the pages to see where the first love scene started.  Usually around page 98.

Nowadays, the covers are sort of a quick hack-and-paste job.  Get a model, get him to take his shirt off, BAM–there’s your cover.  Photoshop it, so he looks like a vampire with a six-pack–PERFECT!

There’s plenty of romance titles in the audiobook world, but there’s just as much EROTICA.  Early on, I auditioned for a softcore title called “Dr. Sessions,” the sex therapist of San Francisco. I didn’t get it.  I figured those books probably sell more than the other things I was auditioning for, but that’s not entirely true.  Those books have to deliver, too.  They have to be sexy.  Even if they’re written badly, I bet the right actor or actress with the right amount of sensuality could make you forget the cringe-worthy dialogue.  I bet there are a lot of erotica fans who find that one actor or actress and then buy all their books!  A voice and the imagination can be a powerful thing.

So I want you to look at the cover of this book.  Then close your eyes.  Imagine what this handsome man would sound like.  When you think you have that voice in your head…go ahead and press play.

Casting is everything. 

This week’s nomination goes to Roy Wells, for his performance of “Big Man on Campus: Fresh Gay Erotica”

WARNING: There are NO graphic descriptions of sex in this audio sample, so don’t worry.  However, there are poetic mentions of genitalia.  I can’t guarantee you won’t find this offensive, but it made my girlfriend and I laugh out loud, so I think this is a worthy entry.