Best Open Mics of 2018

It’s that time again. To champion the open mics that were leaps and bounds over the usual “meh” and bottom of the barrel dogshit mics. Mics that leave you with that rare feeling of Wow, I think I actually did something productive there. An open mic that leaves you with a sense of well being…imagine that.

I reviewed 75 open mics this year. Isn’t that crazy? 7 of those were in Colorado, but come on!

I took a year off from doing the awards because the first one made me wonder if it was worth it. If you’re curious you can click here for the Best Open Mics of 2016.

There are no physical rewards by the way, just positive word of mouth about your open mic. Wait, where you going? DON’T GO!!!!! I’LL MAKE BUTTONS (echo) buttons…

I entertained the idea, but I think I came up with a good compromise…I’ll have my shit together next year. We can shoot ideas about prizes, we’ll talk.

NOW BACK TO THE SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

So many mics popped up this year and almost just as quick, they disappeared without a trace or explanation. The owner may have cancelled it due to their business not turning an instant profit. Or a host realized that doing a weekly mic might take actual skill or commitment. Maybe a horrified customer wrote a bad Yelp review like this one.

They still managed to squeeze in a review of the pizza!

Most likely there were just not enough comics that cared enough to buy anything, so the owner pulled the plug. 3 to 4 weeks and then gone! Maybe it’s for the best. Some of the worst open mics have an incredible lifespan. We need those mics too. When I’m desperate enough I’ll hit just about any mic, except the Arsenal. A different host can turn a room around, though. Hell, even a nice bartender can make it worthwhile.

I want to thank all the comedians and non-comics that have taken on the task of hosting an open mic. Big applause to all the substitute hosts that keep a mic from cancelling. The majority of my reviews catch the guest host, because yeah, we all need fucking breaks, I get it! Running a mic is a bitch, so THANK YOU! We’re pretty spoiled out here with 20+ mics on any given night, and it’s cool that I can waste time writing a blog about it!

So just to clarify, there are the “Comedian’s Choice” winners- the direct results of your votes. There were bout 200 votes this year, not bad, not great- hopefully reach more people next year, I tried!

Then there’s the “Open Mic Reviews,” which are my personal picks.

There are a lot of good mics, but very few stick out from the pack.

I’m sorry if I didn’t recognize your mic this year, I didn’t hit all of them. Remember, this is all in good fun (I’m just winging this) and I just want other comedians to know that there are great mics out there that are worth checking out. I received a lot of invites… some dickneck tagged me weekly for an entire year, for his New Jersey mic, Scotty’s Pub and Comedy Cove. I don’t live in Jersey, bro!

There were a lot of donations last year for my past Patreon whirl, and I can’t thank those people enough. It gave me the extra nudge to get back out there and drive another couple hundred miles. It also made it possible for me to put some money into this project, so thank you. I’m glad somebody’s enjoying this! I also get emails about incorrect listings on the site. I’m so glad people are paying attention and helping me keep things up to date. It’s really hard to keep track of which mics fold or change days. Anyway, you can always message me with suggestions, corrections, or recommendations on Instagram, always cool to hear from you.

QUICK NOTE- Please don’t spoil the winners online. I’d love for the participants to discover it themselves, it’s part of the fun. Feel free to share away or tag the hosts of your favorite mics. If you guys enjoy this, I’ll do it again next year. Thanks for all your help!

NOW ON TO THE WINNERS!

BEST MIC THAT FOLDED THIS YEAR (R.I.P.)

Comedian’s Choice Marty’s

Open Mic Reviews Shanghai’d

Honorable Mentions MOD Pizza Open Mic, Max Bloom’s and Meltdown Comics.

Martys mic won the honors over MOD’s free pizza? I think I have a pretty good idea why.

Someone brought up a good point about Marty’s. A lot of the comics would hang out and talk about your sets. Punch up your jokes while you were on stage. It really was one of the best feedback mics, even though it wasn’t listed as one. Many comics taped their sets here. Serious comics were treating it like a gym, improvising through potential bits. There was the hang too of course, parties, and Marty’s was a great pop-in place if you desperately needed to charge your phone for a couple hours. Its left a mark on many comics and they are bonded forever. Plus you got a shitty photo on the wall! I wasn’t a part of all this. I went less than a dozen times in 5 years, but I understand the love and I can’t shit on it anymore. Sure there were depressing nights, but it was never pretentious in there. Everyone was struggling to find the funny. For $5 you got some shitty coffee and a heck of a lot of stage time, sometimes up to an hour! Plus the best pizza was just ten paces away. You were my first open mic, thanks for listening, Marty!

Since we’re on the topic of dead mics, I made a video montage of some of the mics that passed away much too soon. Enjoy!

R.I.P. MICS! I forgot Hooters, that was a fun one too. Some mics died out and then came back from the dead recently, like the great LA School of Comedy.


The next category is Best FEEDBACK mic. I’m not surprised that many comics haven’t done one of these. They’re not very common and sometimes it’s just thrown out casually by the host, “If you want feedback about your set, we can talk about it for a couple minutes, it’s optional.”

I always have a resistance to these because I usually don’t trust anyone else with joke-writing. I get extremely defensive about my jokes (not healthy) and opinionated, but believe it or not, it helps to hear outside ideas. Even if you reject everything, your brain is working and its forcing you to be analytical about your bit, so I recommend it…if you dare. Some comics will just run their mouth, vomiting their own version of your bit, so there’s that too. But you can just smile and nod as if to say, “Oh that’s cute, you think that’s comedy!” Or if you’re like me you’ll argue with the host until he backs off.

BEST FEEDBACK MIC

Comedian's Choice    “Challenge Mic” at The Copper Still Bar

Open Mic Reviews     Melody Bar and Grill

Honorable Mentions Fanatic Salon

Maggie Mayfield at “The Challenge Mic” This mic will really stretch your abilities and force you to explore what’s interesting in your daily life. Just grab a topic from the bucket and let ‘er rip! You might walk away with some great premises. The more open you are, the better it’ll go. Maggie is there to guide you if you get stuck. I also like how she posts pictures of comics and include a choice quote from their set.

The next category is Lottery mic. Have you mastered the art of paper folding yet? Did you drop your name in the bucket way too early? (a hearty chuckle) Oh you. You’ll learn. Those hosts never mix up the names enough. They still grab from the top, you silly person!

I think we all secretly have our own method, it’s ridiculous.

BEST LOTTERY MIC

Comedian's Choice     The Other Door

Open Mic Reviews       Genghis Cohen

Honorable Mentions     Cabo Wabo Comedy Show, Lyric Hyperion Theater

Vanessa Gritton at The Other Door.

The Other Door is a big favorite. Kevin Anderson and Vanessa Gritton are class acts. There’s a pre-signup and plenty of bucket spots throughout the night. The bar is always lively and the hosts make you feel like you’re part of a family. 4 mics up.

The next category is the Best $5 Mic, and that sparked a comment on the survey:

No pay to play.

I have a response to this. And this goes to all of you No-Pay-To-Play fucking morons. I’m willing to spend $5 and just work on my comedy in spaces where there are no distractions. Where other like-minded serious comics are there to work. Where hosts are paying attention and give a shit, unlike you, who will spend 20 to 50 dollars in one night getting shit-faced and preaching your sanctimonious bullshit without ever improving or becoming even vaguely interesting to listen to. Have another beer, asshole. Oh, ten years went by and nobody’s joining in on your grumbling anymore? Have another drink, get high with your friends, but don’t pay to fucking play with people that only want to spend their money on COMEDY. We know what your passion is so GET FUCKED.

I won’t go to a 1-drink minimum open mic either. I only support the venues that can afford to have a bunch of free-loading comics, THEN I’LL SPEND! (Pee-Wee-Herman fart noises, dances around the room)

Go to whatever mics you want. If you get anything out of it, it’s a win. You’ll know when you’re getting ripped off. You can mute the douchebags online, and they don’t have to know.

BEST $5 MIC (or best Pay-To-Play)

Comedian's Choice     The Fourth Wall

Open Mic Reviews       Bert’s Backroom

Honorable Mentions Marty’s, Tao Comedy Studio

Rishi is probably talking about A Serbian Film at The Fourth Wall.

I am always hearing a lot of positive feedback about The Fourth Wall. I’ve been there a couple times and I dug it. I really enjoyed the Fourth Wall’s Hollywood Mobile Mic as well. Joe Manente is a great guy, and he’s got a good thing going here. Joey Diaz dropped in and he sung his praises of The Fourth Wall on Joe Rogan. You can watch the clip here.

Alright, this is a stupid category. It’s the only negative one, but you deserve to know what open mic has toppled Big Wangs from the coveted LOUDEST MIC position.

LOUDEST MIC

Comedian's Choice Flappers Bar    

Open Mic Reviews       The Surly Goat

Honorable Mentions VFW

Lot of comics pile in and crane their necks to watch the Flappers Bar open mic.

The people have spoken! There is a lot of activity going on with the showroom next door, a busy bartender, and a ton of disrespectful open mic’ers. I actually dig this mic. The large amount of people makes it exciting and it’s not impossible to win over the crowd.



NEXT UP, DIY MIC!

What a DIY mic means to me is someone who put in a tremendous effort to make their own open mic space. Or maybe it was someone else’s space, but they dragged in their shoddy gear and made it into something special. Some lights, an amp, throw pillows, a beanbag chair and a poster of Gallagher.

BEST DIY MIC

Comedian's Choice Garage Behind Food 4 Less  

Open Mic Reviews       Bert’s Backroom

Honorable Mentions VFW in Burbank, Hollywood Mobile Mic

Kyle giving it his all for 7 minutes. Victor will play you up to music, people bring snacks, there’s even a little wood platform of a stage! Located in an alley that is Howie Mandel’s worst nightmare.

Victor’s Garage Behind Food 4 Less beat out Bert’s Backroom by one vote. That’s pretty fucking cool. It truly is the punk rock space of the open mic scene, and it’s great to know it’s still going. It’s gritty and grimy and comics will piss in the alley. DIY, bitches! If this mic ever closes permanently, maybe we can get the city to declare it a comedy landmark- leave all the decorations up, garage is always open for tours!




Outdoor mics can be weird, especially in the middle of the day. Comedy was meant for a dark room, and it never feels appropriate to tell dick jokes when you can hear birds outside chirping.

BEST OUTDOOR MIC

Comedian's Choice    Simply Coffee

Open Mic Reviews       Holy Grounds Coffee and Tea

Honorable Mentions Meea’s Hot Dogs

Adam White gives out prizes at the Simply Coffee mic in Burbank. He’s extremely laid back and the mic is almost too casual, but it’s a super friendly option and not a bad way to start the day!

The next category “Best Safe Space Mic” sparked more outrage.

“Comedy dies in a safe space. Fuck this category.”

Pretty dramatic. I’m not gonna rant this time. Yeah, a safe space sounds precious and ridiculous, but after listening to dozens of comics scream the word “Faggot” on stage, I’m glad these safe spaces exist, knowing it’ll discourage the angriest/laziest comics from showing up. Yay, more fun for us!

Even the hamster is protected!

BEST SAFE SPACE MIC

Comedian's Choice     Tao Comedy Studio

Open Mic Reviews       Tao Comedy Studio

Honorable Mentions “Challenge Mic” at The Cooper Still Bar, Canters “Kibitz” Room

Bobbie Oliver (not pictured above) doesn’t tolerate any hate speech at the Tao Comedy Studio. She’s really funny and I love the space. Some of the best comedians on the scene will work out stuff here.

Most open mics in Los Angeles are well attended and pretty cheap with stage time. So we get 3 minutes to shine and that’s actually plenty if you’re just starting out. But after a couple years, 3 minutes feels like nothing. You barely have time to get acquainted before launching into your 3 to 4 minute bit, so now you’re cutting corners and it better be a mic that’s worth it!

BEST 3 MINUTE MIC

Comedian's Choice     Comedy Store Potluck

Open Mic Reviews       Comedy Store Potluck

Honorable Mentions The Anchor Bar

Nothing can compete with The World Famous Comedy Store. More on that later.

MIXED MICS.

Oh boy, looks like there’s a bunch of musicians and poets in the audience. It can be a deadly combination, and the comics are usually to blame. They love to shit on mixed mics, and I do too, from time to time. I’ve been to mixed mics that are harmonious too, where the variety of acts keeps the night exciting and fresh. Funny that most of these mixed mics are in coffee shops, which can also be some of the deadliest mics of all.

BEST MIXED MIC

Comedian's Choice Library Coffeehouse    

Open Mic Reviews       Daily Brew Coffee Bar

Honorable Mentions The Cork Lounge

Robert Zoref trying to get people to look up from their laptops at The Library Coffeehouse.

This place is brutal, but a Long Beach favorite. There’s never a shortage of college students trying to study, ready to ignore with headphones and icy stares. Every 100 sets you might stumble onto something magical. Every once in awhile, they listen. Break through to this crowd and you’ll feel like a champion. You rock this room once and you’ll keep coming back to see if it’s possible again.

“Hey guys, in 5 minutes we’re gonna have an open mic!” The angry side look is captured perfectly.

BEST COFFEE SHOP MIC

Comedian's Choice     Toasted and Roasted

Open Mic Reviews       Daily Brew Coffee Bar

Honorable Mentions Royal Cup Cafe, The Library Coffeehouse

Daily Brew Coffee Bar in Montebello is a hidden gem.

I just want to wish a quick CONGRATULATIONS to Toasted and Roasted. I haven’t been back since Jonathan and Mark took over, but I’m glad it’s getting the majority vote.

I picked Daily Brew Coffee bar because it’s a terrific mixed mic. There’s always a supportive crowd that is really hyped for every act- it’s a great time.

Speaking of crowds…

BEST AUDIENCE

Comedian's Choice     Comedy Store Potluck TIED with Westside Comedy Theater

Open Mic Reviews       Cabo Wabo Cantina

Honorable Mentions Lab at The Hollywood Improv

Michael hosting a late night Cabo Wabo Cantina mic. You’ll find plenty of people here. There are barkers on Hollywood Blvd to get customers in and it pays off. The open mic itself is the usual late night insanity, but if you can get up it’s a great audience!

Moving along….

BEST BAR MIC

Comedian's Choice The Anchor Bar   

Open Mic Reviews        The Offbeat Bar

Honorable Mentions Chatterbox, Bruddah’s Bar

The Anchor Bar is one of the best. It’s a tight space full of customers that are ready to watch comedy and drink. It’s also a great hang outside, many friendships begin out there.

If you haven’t tried The Anchor Bar yet, you ought to. Yeah, it’s a drive and there’s a wait, but you’ll love that crowd.

BEST THEATER MIC

Comedian's Choice     Westside Comedy Theater

Open Mic Reviews       Westside Comedy Theater

Honorable Mentions The Pack

Westside Comedy Theater has the best layout. Always excited to be here.

The Westside Comedy Theater is always packed with locals and comics, the room is fantastic and it’s probably the most fun I’ve had on any stage. It hurts not to get up, this place is my drug of choice.

BEST ALL-COMIC MIC

Comedian's Choice     Fourth Wall

Open Mic Reviews       Genghis Cohen

Honorable Mentions Royal Cup Cafe, Bert’s Backroom

Genghis Cohen is my favorite lottery/all-comic open mic in Los Angeles. It’s always full and surprisingly supportive. It can go long, sure, but it’s a good space and there are very few distractions. They usually draw 3 to 4 names at a time, so you at least have a heads-up on the potential wait ahead of you. I think multiple hosts are a wise choice for this one too- good to break things up a bit.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I know what you’re saying.

I have a diarrhea fart joke that’s 8 minutes long, but all these LA mics only offer THREE.

I CAN’T TRIM DIARRHEA FARTS!


Well, fart no further!

BEST MIC FOR A LONGER SET

Comedian's Choice     Bruddah’s Bar (8-10 minutes)

Open Mic Reviews    The Cork Lounge (8 minutes)  

Honorable Mentions Liquid Zoo (10 minutes), The Lost Bean (10 minutes)

This Hawaiian bar in Gardena is a lot of fun, and Erik Escobar is one of the nicest guys on the scene. Cheap beers, yummy food, a good-sized audience and a lengthy set.

BEST COMEDY CLUB MIC

Comedian's Choice Hollywood Improv “Lab Work”   

Open Mic Reviews       The Comedy Store “Potluck”

Honorable Mentions The Rec Room in Huntington Beach

Ken Garr hosting at The Lab, probably plugging his Vegas dates to a bunch of frustrated open mic’ers. The Hollywood Improv is pretty awesome, it’s always packed, it’s nice and dark and busting up this many comics will make you feel like a comedy God. Or Ken Garr!

I procrastinate a lot, to the point where I don’t have enough time to make it to 5:30 sign-ups. It’s nice to have late-night options and a last stop for the night.

BEST LATE NIGHT OPTION

Comedian's Choice     Fourth Wall TIED with Next Stage

Open Mic Reviews       The Cinema Bar

Honorable Mentions Liquid Zoo

The Cinema Bar! Every time I time I think I’m going to arrive late, its just starting. John Davenport and Serafina Costanza are mighty good hosts. Going after hecklers and butting heads with schmucky comedians. It’s intimate and unpredictable.

BEST DAYLIGHT OPTION

Comedian's Choice     The Fourth Wall

Open Mic Reviews    Lyric Hyperion Theater   

Honorable Mentions Open Space

Lyric Hyperion Theater/Hipster Central.

I like the Lyric because it’s well run and supportive. It’s a quiet room too, so the attention on the performer is really focused. It can be tough bombing in here, or even tougher listening to the excessive amount of snark, but it’s the best mic in Silverlake.

BEST OC MIC

Comedian's Choice     The Anchor Bar

Open Mic Reviews        The Rec Room

Honorable Mentions The Harp Inn

Beau performs his first set ever at The Rec Room.

I AM biased because I work and perform at The Rec Room quite a bit. That said, everybody WILL get up. Jason is a fantastic host, he keeps it moving, and the space is great. I especially like the end of the mic where he encourages the remaining 10 people in the room to move up a row or two, so the comics that have been waiting 2+ hours can get a fair shake. It can be cliquey and in-jokey at times with friends yelling out, but it’s really supportive.

Now on to the bad behavior mics!

My original pitch for this drawing was “A half-naked comedian using a microphone stand as an extension of his penis, while making a battle cry into the microphone.” I just want to say that the artist misinterpreted my pitch for this drawing in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE. One of those happy accidents that made it completely insane. God I love that comedian.

BEST MIC FOR DEPLORABLE BEHAVIOR

Comedian's Choice     Marty’s

Open Mic Reviews       The Next Stage in Los Angeles

Honorable Mentions The Harp Inn, Garage Behind Food 4 Less

Next Stage is a temple of depravity in Hollywood. It’s a great place to get fucked up and rant to a bunch of comics who are nodding off in their park bench seats.

Ugggh.

BEST LA MIC

Comedian's Choice     Comedy Store Potluck

Open Mic Reviews       Comedy Store Potluck

Honorable Mentions Hollywood Improv Lab

There is nothing like performing in the Original Room at The Comedy Store. It’s electric. Even bombing is exhilarating. If you go up late enough, there can be a really great audience. Getting the comics in the back to crack up can feel like a triumph. So much history and when that neon star lights up my heart starts pumping. A truly intense 3 minutes.

BEST STAGE

Comedian's Choice     Original Room at The Comedy Store

Open Mic Reviews       Westside Comedy Theater

Honorable Mentions Ice House In Pasadena

Sorry if this is getting redundant. Let’s take a break and focus on some out-of-town mics!

BEST MIC THAT’S WORTH THE 2+ HOUR DRIVE

Comedian's Choice     Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego

Open Mic Reviews       Mel’s Lounge in Santa Barbara

Honorable Mentions La Jolla Comedy Store, Ventura Harbor Comedy Club

Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego recently relocated, but this was a really cool spot. A lot of audience members would hang out after the show to watch the mic.

Naysayers, “No mic is worth a 2 Hour Drive-” SHADDUP! In some states, you have to drive two hours to get to ANY open mic.

Mel’s Cocktail Lounge in Santa Barbara is another winner. Totally unexpected gem. Packed with locals and they’re all into the mic. Out-of-towners get priority 10 minute spots- a generous touch.

BEST MIC FOR A NEWBIE

Comedian’s Choice The Fourth Wall

Open Mic Reviews The Fourth Wall

Honorable Mentions Royal Cup Cafe

So much love for The Fourth Wall. It makes sense, Joe Manente is extremely welcoming and has a boisterous laugh if he thinks you’re funny. He keeps it upbeat and fun.

Speaking of redundant, I had a big old brain fart while putting these categories together.. you voted on it, so here we go again…

BEST MIC TO DO YOUR FIRST SET

Comedian’s Choice Tao Comedy Studio

Open Mic Reviews Royal Cup Cafe

Honorable Mentions Marty’s TIED with Fourth Wall

Ryan Schooley hosting at Royal Cup. One of the friendliest mics in Long Beach.

The Royal Cup Cafe in Long Beach has a strange room in the back filled with weird art and junk. Ryan Schooley and Patrick Bucher have turned it into a really welcoming workshop mic. One of my favorite places to try out new jokes.

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for. The BEST HOSTS category! To hear the winners, click on this audio file! OR you can scroll down if you want to spoil it for yourself.

THE CHOICE…IS UP TO YOU…...

BEST HOST/HOSTS

Comedian's Choice- Joe Manente for The Fourth Wall

OPEN MIC REVIEWS- Rachel Cuthbert for Bert's Backroom

HONORABLE MENTION- Evan Cassidy (The Cass Man) for The Anchor Bar

A quick word on Joe Manente…he is the man. God I loved that Hollywood Mobile mic, what a great idea. He’s already expanded The Fourth Wall to a second location, he live streams some of the mics, and he’s currently working on membership options- this guy has ideas and he’s making a lot of comics happy.

Rachel Cuthbert put together Bert’s Back Room with very little and she has found an innovative way to keep comics engaged for a short period of time. Her honesty on stage and contagious laugh just make it a delight. The convenient online sign up and Instagram posts have made it sort of a networking thing for comics too. I can glance at a sign up sheet and say, “Hey, I’d like to drop in and see these comics!” Pretty cool. Then her constant posting of Instagram clips has helped me remember new names. You can pay for several slots a day and always have a new audience of comics.

Evan Cassidy has built up one of the best spaces imaginable. He knows how to deal with hecklers and some how juggles hundreds of comics, every Monday, week after week for 6 hours at a time. The guy is a fucking animal! He’s been at this since 2011, so mad respect for The Cass Man.

Scroll down for a “group picture” of the winners!

SPECIAL AWARD

BEST FLYER

We’ve all done shitty cut-and-paste photoshop jobs. Let’s give it up to the real artists that actually make art! You’ve seen this guy’s work all over Facebook. He has a great sense of humor to go with his colorful style. A friend of mine was describing the Garage mic poster with the snails and cracking up. I started seeing his work everywhere, and it’s great stuff- no contest.

Comedian’s Choice- Josh Sude for various open mic flyers.

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Open Mic Reviews- Bernice Ashikian for various open mic flyers

Berenice really nailed this Royal Cup Cafe flyer- that looks exactly like the room!

I picked Berenice because I dig her psychedelic rock style and some of the imagery reminds me of Crumb comics or Daniel Johnston’s art. Pretty fucking cool. She’s also made some kickass logos for a few comedy related projects.

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And a quick shout-out to my wonderful cartoonist for brightening up this blog. I still don’t know his name and he hasn’t give me any of his info, but you can find him on the awesome fiverr app/site that allows you to hire talent for $5 and up. His username is adnielk.

LET THE WINNERS KNOW YOU APPRECIATE THEM! A HEARTY HANDSHAKE AND A THUMBS UP!

Before I close this blog out, I want to share some open mic recommendations from a few top-notch comedians. They’re everywhere on the scene, so you can trust them!

Andrea Gazzetta- Chatterbox in Covina, The Ice House in Pasadena, and The Witchy Mic at The Offbeat Bar in Los Angeles (started in October every other Monday)

Kelly Ryan- Oak’s Tavern in Sherman Oaks, Ice House in Pasadena, Genghis Cohen in Los Angeles.

Chris Chaisson- Maui Sugar Mill Saloon is a good one. Mixed mic in Tarzana, 5 to 7 minutes (usually more), host does a feature spot every week that's 25 minutes. There's also Mel's Lounge in Santa Barbara where you can do 10 to 12 minutes. It's a long drive but they give priority spots. There are a lot of non-comics at both mics and they're into the comedy.

Heather Marulli- Set List On Thursdays at The Pack in Los Angeles (improvise off topic, great for writing on stage), The Shit Show on Fridays at The Fanatic Salon (that one often has some real audience in it so it's good for working stuff out)

Zac Elk- - Worthington’s in Riverside, The Joke Gym (Wherever it goes) - Clown House in DTLA. R.I.P. to Flappers (Claremont)

Daniel Zambrano runs Orange County Stand-Up on Instagram. He weighs in with some of his favorites:

1. Royal Cup Cafe in Long Beach: Whether you're a regular at the mic or a newcomer, the supportive atmosphere this room has built sets it a part from the others. Having a room seperate from the rest of the establishment, and it being an intimate, close space at that, makes it a perfect place to build confidence in new bits.

2. Fathers Pub in Santa Ana. A place that’s often a "Hit & Miss" or a "Miss &, I'm scared now, & never going to come back". Its unapologetically raw but simple, either adapt to how the room will accept you and work with how much attention they are willing to give you, or sink and try again later. It deters a lot of comedians away because it isn’t inviting, the regulars there aren’t there for comedy, but its a great breeding ground to grow that muscle that commands the audience’s attention by sheer willpower. The extra time that’s given really helps that. Having a host like Ramon Hernandez who helps tame the beast as much as he can with energy has really helped this mic turn around in 2018.

3. Vee Bentleys post show open mics. Although they aren’t yet weekly, and it might be a tad too early to really say they were super solid, they've probably had the best turnout of actual folk at the mics out of every OC mic barring Anchor Bar. Her eye for a room has been spot on thus far and it’s really helped both the booked shows and open mic after as the comics leave with a sense of satisfaction and excitement for the next one. She still needs to work her chops up as a host, but they are events that can only get better with the right TLC & venue cooperation. With that, all the shows have been no item minimum and have gone on as long as the lists have been, so the future is bright.

RANDOM Shout-Outs

San Francisco

There was a ton of praise for TK Moyer and his open mic. I’ve never been to a Bay Area mic, but his non-comedian fans wouldn’t stop bugging me about it, so he’s either fantastic at running a mic or an outstanding cult leader.

Bee Henry- Edinburgh Castle Pub is beyond my favorite open mic in the Bay Area. It doesn’t even feel like an open mic at this point, it feels like a crazy energetic showcase. TK Moyer does a truly fantastic job producing and hosting. As a female comedian making the rounds of open mics, I not only feel comfortable and safe there, but genuinely respected and supported, and that’s hard to come by. It’s a real treasure.”

TK Moyer wins everything, now leave me alone.

Santa Cruz

Rosie McCann’s Open Mic run by DNA (great dude)

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Sisyphus Brewing

A SPECIAL thanks to our guest announcer Jeremiah Watkins!

If you’d like to hear more about open mics from Jeremiah, here’s a quick interview we did awhile back. I found it very inspirational.

THAT’S IT! SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD, EVERYBODY!

Oh, and sorry Jason. :(

The Resentful Open Micer

Let's start with the demons:

This person has seen me do well, but they never book me. They must hate me or my comedy. They keep pulling from the same circle of friends. Oh, they're booking other producers, movers and shakers, I get it. You book me, I book you. 

A first-year comic that brings 20 people. That's every producer's friend.

Ok, maybe they work hard AND they deserve it, but FUCK. THEM.

The rage of jealousy. Who is more deserving? Who is funnier?

I started working harder on my material and good things started happening.

Oh, is that how it works? I wasn't making an impression with my mediocrity, frequent bitching and fizzle-outs?

I'd be on stage feeling a bit wasn't going well and then jump ship,

"Alright, we'll just move onto the next thing." (20-second pause while I search my beer-battered brain for the next bit)

My biggest bombs have been with human interactions. Other comics that I just met...or think I just met. The fist-bumping, awkward half hug, handshake nightmare that’s never consistent. Sometimes it feels like an audition, I only have 30 seconds to prove that I’m funny and I’m not an alien. I usually fail both tests AND offend the person as a bonus! 

My ideal exchange is being silly with someone and it’s not a joke-off for seniority, we just have a mutual appreciation for stupid. I can let my guard down and be myself. It's hard though, I have to train myself to relax, remind myself it’s ok to just listen and not try to make an impression, or run over someone else's thoughts with my forced input. Stop crapping on comics I barely know.

I’ve been doing obnoxious/quirky shit for so long that I forget it’s a part of me- I make car sound effects when I dart past someone. I make sound effects when I give my debit card to the cashier. The fuck is wrong with me?

I play out hypothetical arguments IN MY HEAD. I'm getting worked up from imaginary interactions. It stems from one or two poisonous relationships. Why am I trying to be friends with someone so disagreeable? Why do I keep saying hi when they clearly want nothing to do with me? I want to be liked so bad, but it’s time to let that shit go. Maybe I just don't like the idea of ignoring someone that I used to talk to. A comedy ex.

“I don’t know the meaning of success, but I do know the meaning of failure. It’s when I try to make everybody love me.”

-a sign hanging up in Sammy Davis Jr.’s dressing room.

Wow. I’m glad I stumbled onto that one.

Comedy Groups on Facebook only stir the pot. So much sarcasm. Everyone has a snarky reply. I feel bad for the newbies because they’re obsessed with their very first set and already they want constant reassurance.

Let me share the joke I did and you tell me that it’s great and that I did the right thing- here's a clip. 

They’re still getting over the fear of DOING standup, while I'm complaining about not getting up enough! 

There are some godawful mics that will ultimately make me feel worse, but I still want to reach my minimum quota of 4 mics a week. Anything less and I feel like a piece of unproductive shit. 

The battle to keep cool continues. Listening to a host shit on another comic. How many comics in a row have a hacky race joke? This goldmine was exhausted by the 80's, but I guess research limits your output. Another smelly homeless person story. Trump impressions. Women are craaaazy. Complaining how you can't say faggot or dancing around the possibility of saying the N-Word. I'm so mis-er-a-bleeeee.

I write entries like this as if I have a fucking grasp on it, but I really don't. I bomb and I bomb and I bomb. I struggle to be myself. I rub a lot of people the wrong way. I have a long way to go.

Just give me stage time, anywhere, and I'll work at getting better. I'm trying to figure out these pesky act-outs. I have to commit to these 3-4 minute bits while most onlookers watch me stone-faced, or never look up from their phones. I feel disconnected all the time and I have to push myself to make eye contact.

Jeremiah Watkins told me to do that a couple years ago and it's still a struggle. I want to avert my eyes from any judgement. Fear is still holding me back.

Here's my jittery interview with him at The Comedy Store. It's 14 minutes and it's definitely worthwhile if you're feeling frustrated about open mics- let's go down the inspirational path for a moment...shall we?

I'm way older than Jeremiah, but I admire the guy and he's got a ton of mileage on me, so I couldn't help but be a nervous wreck and call him a Comedy God, haha. I was really pleased with his answers though and I hope you find some inspiration here, especially regarding attitudes and doing shows.

I think it is good to do as many shows as possible and there's nothing better than getting a Facebook message at 1 in the morning for a booking. I love filling up that calendar. You can throw any shit-show at me and I still get excited, especially when the flyer comes out.

I can walk into the worst case scenario:

You can’t turn off the televisions because there’s a game on- fine! 

Jukebox is staying on, fine! 

The bartender is having loud conversations with the customers, fine! 

Some guy is playing pool, ok! 

The sound cuts in and out, fine! 

The disco lights are distracting, fine! 

The other comics are talking outside, fine! 

The customers have to cross the stage to use the bathroom, fine, I'll make it work! I still get 10 minutes though, right? Hmm, I wonder if I can get them to listen, wouldn't that be something?

A week ago, my Dad and my stepmom had a stop in LA before going back to Hawaii. We met up at the Old World Village Market near my work. I told my dad about my first Door Guy spot and how my dirty joke got a laugh break and then he asked me to tell him the joke. I was hesitant, it was just weird because we were standing in this German marketplace and he had a basket filled with jars of peppers and mustard. I suppose the perfect setting for a dick joke.

I told him the joke and he was quiet. Then he was shaking. I saw him laugh through his squinting eyes and he said, “Did you write that? That’s pretty good.”

I don’t know why I even hesitated, the guy makes innuendos 24-7. At dinner he showed me a vacation photo where his ass was hanging out. Like me, he hesitated to share the joke for about 2 seconds. Then he got a laugh out of me. It's like we're both afraid to have our childish sense of humor shot down, the thing we hold dearest.

He's had my back through all my dumb decisions. DJ, Actor, Filmmaker. I’ve been on the wrong path before, so there’s always that possibility that I’m being delusional again. I took 4 years of my life to complete and eventually quit on a feature film and there’s that fear that I’m going to look back at my standup work and realize...shit, I was wrong again. The work is sloppy, amusing at best. Why did I think that I could do this?

That’s not the case though. I can do this. I don’t have to wait to go to a screening to see if these jokes work, I can just invade a dive bar mic on any given night with a handful of thoughts. Sometimes it's just a chuckle on the setup of the premise- oh ok. Maybe it's worth pursuing. That only took 30 seconds. Go back tomorrow for part 2 of 2,000- the development of this fine ball-accident joke.

The shows build up my confidence again. People that are specifically coming out for a comedy show are enjoying my set and for once I'm not seeking the approval of some asshole looking down on their phone. The work has paid off, but there's still so much more to do.

It’s the technical year. Compiling a consistent 5 minute act. 7 minutes. 10. 15. Logical segues and seamless transitions. Moving around comfortably in a professional setting. What is the line to open with? I say “Hey guys” and it never goes well. Immediately a bad impression. I usually come off best when I comment on something that has nothing to do with my pre-planned jokes- a little acknowledgement, maybe the setting or a callback to a funnier comedian’s bit. Always a positive statement, nothing backhanded. I can't stand comedians that shit on the venue when they're getting paid to be there. 

Right now I’m obsessed with the first word, Do I say hi? What’s up guys? Give it up for yourselves! I’m thinking of trying “Thank you” as if to say, Thank you for allowing me to get THIS far. Now let's see if I can make you laugh.

I made a promo video for my first Rec Room spot as a Door Guy. I love doing stupid shit like this at 2 in the morning.

I'd say 90% of the time I drag myself out of my self-loathing and get in the car, the night takes a turn for the better. I start singing in the car, making up my own lyrics, warming up my voice for the eventual set- maybe two if I'm lucky. Sometimes it goes horrible, but I still run into some fantastic people- totally worth it. Venturing out of my circle of friends usually leads to an interesting night. 

Every once in awhile someone comes up to me and mentions my website or open mic reviews. A couple guys handed me cash- unbelievable. That's pretty awesome. Sometimes the host will mention the critic thing in my intro and I'll get embarrassed because I don't want comedians to get the wrong idea, like it makes me think I deserve something. I just want to run my jokes too. I do occasionally scream, "No, no, NOOOOO!" during your set and shred pieces of paper, but it's only because I'm signaling to the host that I'm going to write the nastiest review unless I receive SPOTS. So don't jerk me around.

I've been pretty harsh at times, but I think a lot of mics are just excuses to get high with friends and that's just not my thing. I get annoyed when a fucked up host wastes time talking shit. No material, just ranting, spewing bile in every direction. There's a reason experienced comics never turn up to these mics. It's not because they're fucking hipsters, they have better places to be! This mic is depressing.

I fucking hate these people...where's the joke?  Freedom of speech my ass, say something that'll surprise everyone, I dare you. I dare you to write a good joke to back up that statement. That would blow everyone's mind, believe me. I just want to leave these people behind forever. Ranting open micers are BORING. 

Ugh, who wants to read this shit?  JUST BE FUNNY!!!!!

BE NICE. BE FUNNY. WORK HARD.

I'm going to end this entry with something fun.

Luis is 17. We call him the intern. He's a bright guy and extremely funny for his age. He complains a lot like a whiny kid who constantly feels left out and talks a big game just to get a reaction. He's doing standup and who knows if he'll actually stick it out, but it seems like he's found a home with us weirdos...at least at the coffee shop mics or places he's allowed into. Here's an example of his sense of humor.

Recently he posted this on Instagram:

This flyer looks legit for an open mic. Minimal effort and the necessary information. 

We should've known what this kid was up to, but we wanted to believe this mic existed so bad and why doubt the kid? Maybe he'll give us a featured spot, haha. Weirder mics have existed. Anyway, these are the comments that followed:

Here's some links to some past blog entries:

My First and Worst Year: Open Mic Hell

My First and Worst Year: Bringer Shows

My First and Worst Year: Westwood Brewco and Onward (the beginning)

My First and Worst Year: Producing a Show

Year 2: The Worst Comedian

Year 2: The Worst Comedian (Part 2)

My First and Worst Year: Bringer Shows

How could anyone possibly book me after this set?

Oct. 27, 2013 was my second show at Flappers. At the time I felt it was okay. Now I can't stand to look at it. I'm out of breath. I'm frantic. It looks drug-induced. I'm trying to be Griffin Dunne in After Hours or something. It's like the time I was trying to be cool at Stella Adler by doing Eric Bogosian monologues in scene class. It just felt good to yell.

Jesus, I just checked, It even says that in my fucking journal,

My Set:

Wallet- "It felt good to yell!"

Bully Kids- "A little sloppy, but good!"

Open your eyes, mac!

After my set, a "talent scout" named Alexander takes me aside and wants to take my info down for The Comedy Store. He's very complimentary and I'm thinking, OH, I'm getting my just rewards! Holy shit this standup world is magical. Things are fucking happening!

I don't think I'd even stood in line for the Comedy Store's potluck open mic yet, but now I was already getting booked on a show!

1st experience backstage in the Comedy Room Green Room!

A video posted by Marty Wurst (@thewurstpictures) on Dec 4, 2013 at 8:49pm PST

I have a history of gullibility. I joined the American Radio Network on Sunset/Hobart when I was 19 and was totally convinced that I was producing my own radio show. I thought it was being broadcast somewhere. I was paying for time and living in a delusional world where I, like many overexcited morons that move to California, didn't know any better. I wanted to believe it SOO BAD. Just look what it says on their website:

"To all skeptics: The American Radio Network is not a SCAM!"

Haha, come on man! That's a definite red flag. That sounds like they've received thousands of accusations- it's the first thing in their statement! The website is shit, their equipment is shit, and it's still going! Denial is so powerful.

Anyway, so what are Bringer Shows to you non-comics? Well, you need a minimal amount of people to show up- preferably 5-10. My friends usually paid $15-20 bucks per entry, along with a 2-drink minimum.

So what's wrong with that?

Well, it's going to be a wildly uneven show because the line-up is stacked with new and inexperienced comics like me that SUCK. We're talking comics that are only a few months in, or maybe a year. Then at the end, Bobby Lee closes it out!

Well, at least the last guy was funny, even though I heard most of his jokes before.

My friends will never want to come out again because they just blew 40-50 bucks on a shit show and now I've just reinforced anyone's opinions of lousy comedy. Why go to a show at all? This is what it's like?

The whole thing is seductive because you're playing the historic rooms. The Original Room at the Comedy Store- Richard Pryor, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey. I was on a show with a television star, Bobby Lee, I'm working my way up already!

I've had relatives ask me, "So when are you getting a comedy special?"

Nobody knows how this works! After that show I would've said,

"Give me a year!"

So I'm promoting my shows online and expected to bring in a number of friends every time. I bring in less friends every time because they've already supported my ass, and this shit is expensive. Suddenly I'm not booked. Or worse, the booker still wants me, but treats me like shit.

Here's a doo-dad example! Look at this idiot here:

So you see this dickhead, right?  He's convinced he's moving up in the world! The booker even made him a stupid flyer!

I was already starting to feel the pressure from the bringer shows after a couple of spots. Flappers always wanted a head count, but this is how they worded it,

*Our shows are not bringer required, but as a courtesy,  if you don't think you can get some fans to see you, we are happy to reschedule you for a show that may be more convenient."

In other words Marty, make some fucking friends and GRILL THEM until they GUARANTEE YOU THEY'RE COMING OUT- AND HAVE THEM CALL US WHEN THEY ARRIVE, SO WE CAN PREPARE TO SELL THEM SHIT WINGS! OR NO SHOW FOR YOU! I REPEAT, WE'RE NOT A BRINGER SHOW!!!!!  Just kind of.

One time I asked the booker up front if it was a bringer and the response was,

"Not really, it's not like others, I mean, you only need to bring a couple people out."

Oh, okay. So then I would do it.

I was sucked into another show when I was out of town. Someone from the Store referred me to another booker. She was all talk, asking for my credits, how much pay, how much experience I had- all business and sounding pre-recorded. My inexperience shined through my responses and she probably already knew. I agreed to the show after she talked me up and then I started feeling a little queasy about it. On the other hand, I told my mom the exciting news- another booking! 

I reached out to a fellow comic, Jeremiah Watkins:

12/21/13 "Hey Jeremiah, sorry to bother you during the holidays. I was just kind of shaken up by a bringer show situation and I would love to hear your take on it if you get a chance some time. I love comedy, I love comedians, but someone booked me a show and then made me feel like shit for not having more people committed to going. It was just weird and it felt like Glengarry Glen Ross "Always be CLOSING!" I'd be honored to make a cent from doing what I love at the moment, but I don't want to kill myself over this upcoming gig. I understand the importance of promoting, but I assume it's difficult for any beginner unless they have a built-in fanbase. Anyway, sorry- I don't know a lot of comedians yet and I only know you from Jake's podcast. Have a happy holiday man."

It's painful to read this. I was so clueless! Jeremiah responded back:

"Bringer shows suck, so don't feel bad that you didn't get a bunch of people out to that show. Keep hitting mics and working hard and you'll get to a point where if someone asks you to bring a certain amount of people, it's insulting. Do as many mics as you can and you'll get shows from people who aren't expecting you to bring anything but the funny. ONLY use bringer shows if you're in DESPERATE need to showcase for an agency or manager. Otherwise, good shows will organically come. Hope this helps."

"It does. Big time. Thank you buddy."

A flyer I left in the break room of the Geffen Playhouse.

I was working in the Box Office at The Geffen Playhouse when my cel started to ring. It was the booker. I stepped out and took the call.

"Hi Marty, I just wanted to see how many people you have confirmed."

....

"Just 2 so far," I said, which was a complete lie, but it was better than saying none. There was a pause on the line and then,

"Marty...that's not good enough."

I think my heart started beating faster as I absorbed the sinister tone that had wafted through the phone. What the hell?

"You have to message your friends on Facebook and get them to come out, and what about the flyer I made you? If you can't get at least 5 people out I don't think I'll be able to give you time, there are other comedians that can bring people."

I was stunned...and she must have felt it because I didn't respond for 10 seconds. I should've bailed out then.

"Marty?"

I stammered out some excuses and she sort of took pity on me and relented a bit,

"I'll get you up, but you have to try okay? Get on Facebook and message them."

It didn't matter anymore. I wasn't looking forward to the show because in the back of my mind I could hear that bitch's voice asking how many people were coming. I'd had friends come out to past shows, but this time I was just dried up. I shouldn't of cared, but I didn't know the score, I thought I wasn't going to be able to do stand-up comedy like I wanted. I thought I had to do these fucking bringer shows.

My girlfriend was keeping me at bay, I could vent to her at least. I didn't really have anyone else I could talk to. Trying to explain this shit to any non-comic is exhausting because there's all these potential, "So, shouldn't you promote?" kind of responses that might lead to an argument. I want to enjoy doing my standup, not worry about who's getting off the fucking 101. I'm not a promoter.

She called on the day of the show,

"MAKE ONE LAST PUSH!"

Unexpectedly, my friend Nikki turned up and her presence was much needed. So I had ONE PERSON. Just 4 below good enough. 1 out of 104 invites.

The M bar was falling apart in spectacular fashion. It used to be a hotspot for comedy and burlesque shows, but now it needed someone to pull the trigger. The credit card machines were down, half of the menu wasn't available and yet the staff insisted that people order shit. Get cash!

When I got there, the booker was getting drunk and talking business with the owner.

I met a young comic named Trevor James. He was in the same anxious boat as me, with zero friends showing up. I quickly bonded with him. Finally, our horrible boss marched up to us, and gave us a few instructions, never bothering to talk to us like human beings.

I visited my friend Nikki for a moment, who was being pretty cool about the M-Bar situation, and then the booker is calling me over,

"Marty, I NEED YOU TO BE HERE IF I'M GOING TO PUT YOU UP 2ND! *poke* YOU CAN'T BE LEAVING *poke* YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT THE OTHER COMICS!"

This bitch was aggressively poking me in the chest. I couldn't believe it.

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere," I said.

She marched off. I was livid. I didn't even know how much time I was doing.

The order was changed several times. I ended up going on 5th or 6th. The booker also did a set. It was like watching a drunk relative fall onto a wedding cake. She was embarrassing herself. Then the headliner went up and wasn't getting much love. He was drunk too and took it out on the audience, calling a guy in the front row a faggot. His Brooklyn buddies were egging him on, so he dragged his set out for 15 minutes repeating,

"THIS IS MY SHOW!" Killer stuff. I don't think I've seen a set like that since.

After this disaster, I split without saying goodbye, sat with my friend Nikki in her car for a minute and thanked her for being there, despite all the bullshit. I would've felt worse if I subjected more of my friends to the M Bar- I'm lucky only Nikki showed. She paid to see that.

When I got home I blocked that bringer bitch from all my social media.

Never again.

Until a couple more times at The Ice House, The C-Word in The Belly Room (both of which I enjoyed) and The Formosa Cafe (fuck that guy).

I know a handful of people that are still doing bringer shows. Some new people, and a few comics that are 3 years like me. They seem content. Or maybe they're just as clueless as I was, but do I interfere?  After all, I'm the one performing in dive bars, they're playing at respectable CLUBS! I must be the one in the wrong, right? Maybe they just have unlimited friends.

Thank God that shit is over with.

I didn't go through the M-Bar experience alone. Thanks, Nikki!

Oh, and I found this video I posted on Facebook, promoting the dreaded M-Bar show. I had clearly given up and this was a coping mechanism to keep from having a complete meltdown.

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