Comedy Checklist Before Hitting Stage

1. Review set-list
2. Beanie propeller working properly
3. Hilarious text message cued up…
4. Review heckler comebacks in back pocket (Shut the *uck up.  Look at this asshole, nice shirt, dildo, etc.)
5. Remember to make eye contact with best dressed audience member (talent scouts!)
6. Water bottle cap partially unscrewed for easy twist-off.
7. Spot Ken Garr and become red hot with jealousy.
8. Focus on burying him.
9. Feel bad after he comes over and shakes my hand, wishing me luck.
10. Mantra “I am a star.  I am a big, bright, shining star.”  (puts penis back, zips up, jumps through curtain for epic entrance)