No Comedy Advice.
Who the fuck is this guy? Should I confirm our friendship? We have 152 mutual friends. About a hundred of THOSE friends are comedian acquaintances. 40 of those I don't know if I've ever met.
I'm close to 1,200 friends. I can't believe how much this has jumped since I started comedy. I'm constantly adding people, I've got a backlog worse than my Netflix queue. That Netflix remark is dated now, everyone is streaming- FUCK.
Half the guys I talk to are constantly roasting. There's no flow of conversation anymore, it's just insult after cheap insult. I just walk into a room and someone is commenting on my wardrobe and my haircut, followed by their impressions of an airhorn- BUH-BUH-BUHHHHHHH.
I'm doing the Roast Battle again. I'm dreading it. I want to puke from the anxiety and bury my head under my pillow. It's not about the jokes anymore. I'm throwing myself into the lion's den. They just need another excuse to hate my stupid face and I'll give it to them. The mumbly guy, the Wurst, he's older- fuck him. I stutter out my jokes, Mike Lawrence destroys me. Periscope followers agree, this guy is truly the worst.
I don't have to worry, but I do. I lost the first time, but it was a fantastic night. Everyone was warm and supportive. I got good advice from experienced roasters...I didn't take the advice, but I loved it just the same. I was a part of something great for one night.
My girlfriend defends every mistake I make in comedy. She knows I'm just venting and need to blow off steam, so she hears me out and builds me back up. I have to destroy myself in order to rebuild a better version of myself. Constantly updating software. Marty 2.0. Marty 2.5 Marty X. Now I'm driven and motivated. Hey, I accidentally had fun writing a new joke- how did that happen?
Oh yeah, I've been doing this comedy thing for years. Its always been there. Standup is just new and hard, but I'm learning. I'll get better. I have to. I have my own voice. That will always be my ace. A lot of people just hate this voice and I don't blame them. It's not sure what it wants to be. I need to remind myself what I'm going to do every time I walk up on stage. All those motivational things that I've read or written down in my phone, but never remember to look at again.
It's fun, right? It has to be fun, man.
Never let them know that you have doubts.
I just apologized for the next premise before telling the joke, JESUS!
My cat is burying her poop right now as I write this. She stares at me sometimes and it reminds me of the all-comedian audience that I'm bombing in front of. There's a similarity in the gaze. Neither audience understands that I'm funny. I want to scream, I swear I'm funny! Not for you, but maybe some day!
My cat just laughed at me. That hurts. It's terrifying too, but her timing is uncanny.